For All the Parts of Me

“For All the Parts of Me”

by Nicole Costa

My ship

Is about to

Take off

So I hurry

To journal

This rhythm

Cause the words

Came to me

Impressed

On my heart

It’s daddy time

I AM

Writing

A new story

This is

One of my songs

For you

And all the men

That ever

Did me wrong

It was the pattern

That you created

I can see it

In every man

I’ve ever dated

Why do you stay

When you’re

Treated so bad

They ask

I AM

Mastering myself

Mastering

My mom

And

My dad

It’s not about

What they do

It’s about

How I react

That’s neither

Reality

Or

Illusion

It’s just a fact

I’m up against

So many

Powerful men

But I keep

Coming back

Again and again

Until I heal

This energy

Transmute

The past

Release all

The pain bodies

Become healthy

At last

Forgive now

In the present

And all

Throughout time

For your people

Dad

And for mine

I give thanks

For all

The parts of me

Especially the

Darkest parts

I never wanted

To see

If I can be

Angry at you

For the pain

That you’ve caused

Then I can

Equally

Thank you

Dad

For creating

This warrior

After all

That’s been said

And all

That’s been done

I’m forgiving us both

The namesake is won

The demons

Are slayed

Our blood

Is

Washed clean

As the old proverb goes

You know what I mean

I ain’t never

Met another

Like me daddy

You should

Be proud

Of

What you see

No matter

What I did

You were

Never pleased

I know

You’ve had

Your reasons

I just never

Seen them

I’ve sacrificed

So much

To free myself

From you

And

From them

It’s been

A long journey

Home

But I took it

Anyway

And like Sinatra

I did it

My way

With no love

From another

Not my father

Or

My mother

My sisters

Or

My brothers

And

No money

Not a penny

From anybody

Taught by

The streets

And all Divinity

Until the Phoenix

Rose up

Again and again

In me

To begin a new

Healing journey

I changed

The pattern

Became a farmer

Changed my name

So no one knew

That I was

Your daughter

But I knew

And so did you

And your Pisanos

They did too

I paid a great price

The promised one

Was the sacrifice

To get away

From you

And your guys

But I spent

My whole life

Hiding

And

Sick

On the inside

I was never free

From you

Or

From me

But I was

Still hated

For escaping

I will still rise

In spite of it all

For all the women

In this lineage

I heed the call

They never

Had the chance

To experience

The things

That I have

And it’s all

Because of you

Dad

You taught

No love

But that’s alright

Because

Your mother was

And still is

A dove

And

She’s helped

To show me

How to rise above

You may not

Have chose me

But before

I was created

I chose you

To mold me

Into the woman

I’m suppose to be

To heal this family

And set us free

Your absence

Was the best love

You could have

Gave me

It was a blessing

I had to learn

Some

Really hard lessons

That’s right

I said it

And

I no longer fear

Nor do I

Regret it

I speak the truth

But

Not to shame you

I know the truth

So I don’t

Blame you

I just never really

Knew you

But

Now I see

Right through you

To the other side

Of me

The shadow

Of

Our family

You cast me out

As part of

My mission

I took the dung

That you men

Created

As plumbers

And

Politicians

And

I learned

To spread it

To fertilize the land

To heal the people

I grew a farm

And

I had a stand

Along the journey

I planted a forest

Now I dance

And sing

The Shaman’s chorus

With coconut palm

And mangos trees

Plumeria flowers

And the honey bees

Queens are

All about

Collaboration

I took my seat

Upon the throne

I’ve joined my tribe

To heal the nation

This morning

I woke to a man

Yelling at me

To get out

Of his face

Don’t ever

Talk to me again

He said

Cause he

Couldn’t have

His way

As he drew

His fist back

And drove it

Straight through

His own windshield

I had flashbacks

Of the many times

I could have

Been killed

He threatens me

For no reason

Cause I barely

Know him

I’ve seen him

Around town

He’s one of us

Homeless

It made me angry

It made me sad

Who is this man

Why it’s you dad

Not in body

But in spirit

In his words

I can hear it

In the afternoon

A women turned

To look at me

Why she’s got

A haircut

She said

Grumbling

The insults

Are typically

Said to me

By the men

My hair

Seems to be

A trigger

For many of them

Just as it was

For you

The expression

Of

My native culture

Dad

Is a part of

You too

Just keep feeding

The people

She said

When she left

Then she asked

If it was okay

To call me Nick

When she said

My name

In your tune

I knew

At that moment

Dad

That she was

Channeling you

I knew for awhile

It’s daddy time

But I was in denial

I thought I was fine

That’s where

I get it from

That’s why

I used to run

But

I’m not running

Away anymore

I’ve been doing that

Since I was four

They threaten me

Over and over

Again

But this time

It’s going to be

Different

Because I said

The rabbit

No longer fears

The Eagle

Once it realized

That she herself

Is an Eagle

And that she

Could fly

Higher

Then any other

Bird in the sky

Made to believe

She was a rabbit

They pretended

To snip her wings

To break her habits

When all this time

They were really tied

Bound by

Negative programming

Codependency

And

A lifetime of lies

Discovering

That little Birdy

Herself

Held the key

To the other side

Wasted

Too many years

Believing

She needed

A partner

To soar

That’s when

She realized

What those wings

Were really for

And

How to bridge

The gap

By flying south

Instead

With the Condor

I write a message

Of

Peace

And

Forgiveness

Dad

Before I sail

On

Into the night

And

Take up the journey

Of

My birthright

Like King David

A beloved friend

I’ll do

My mourning now

Cause it’s

Close to the end

Then I can fully

Move forward

Walking

In love

Preparing

For the future

Grandchild

Reincarnated

From above

Although

I’ve transitioned

Many times before

This one is like

No other time

I’ve died before

This is a

Permanent separation

A time

For

Vindication

It’s been

A long time coming

And

When Mercury

Goes direct

There will be

No more

Looking back

No more

Triggering affects

Time to let go

And

Celebrate life

Because

I’m finally free

From attack

Free from

A lifetime

Of

Strife

I stop

Pause

And

Reflect

As I let out

A deep sigh

I’ve shed all

The tears

I can for us

There’s nothing left

To cry

The cycle is

Officially complete

Black Bear

Medicine women

Takes a seat

But

Not the one

You chose for me

The seat of

My true destiny

Sharing my gifts

That I refuse

Any longer

To hide

My time is now

Commands

The rising tide

Over the moon

I’ll see you soon

Dad

On the other side